I find myself saying this more and more to clients I work with who really struggle with emotional expression and social skills. More recently it has become a reminder to myself as I interact in this world - Be Congruent.
Your face and the emotion that you are talking about should match. When it doesn’t match, others don’t trust what you are saying.
So often in our world, we want to hide how we are really feeling or what is really going on with us. We have created this scenario in our heads that tells us that the less people know about our pain, the better. So, we walk around pretending to be happy, pretending to be engaged.
The problem is that many of us are not good at pretending. Instead of demonstrating the emotion we want to have, we behave in ways that are more and more incongruent. We laugh when talking about something scary. We smile when referring to a horrible and sad event. We shake our head “No” while verbally agreeing with someone.
The masks we put on to hide our fear, disappointment or pain are not very convincing. They give us away. They damage our relationships.
Make a commitment this week to Be Congruent. Talk about how you really feel. Express the emotion that reflects what you are talking about.
Work to take off the masks.
Work to be you, fully.
Be Congruent.
